Living With Others
You and Your Roommate
Living in a residential community, and more specifically with a roommate, will provide you with opportunities to develop interpersonally and to learn about yourself and others. You are embarking on a journey that will at times frustrate and at other times stimulate you. You will be challenged to grow and develop in ways you may not anticipate right now. This section is intended to provide you with some food for thought, i.e., what to expect, including some situations that normally occur while living on campus. Suggestions for resolving some of the conflicts that may arise are offered along with ideas for making your residential experience both enjoyable and educational.
Cooperation is the realization that you and your roommate are in this together. This requires an honest attempt to make the relationship work. Cooperation encourages mutual satisfaction rather than win-lose outcomes. Compromise does not necessarily mean accepting something less than satisfactory. Living with another person challenges your creativity and problem-solving skills to find ways in which there can be two winners.
Think about yourself: Who are you and what are you like to live with? More specifically, consider the following questions:
What kind of environment or place makes you feel most secure?
What are the key elements of such a place? How can you create a similar feeling in your room on campus?
- How would you describe your lifestyle to a total stranger?
- Have you shared a room in the past? If so, what did you like or dislike about this arrangement?
- How comfortable are you about expressing your needs?
- What are your attitudes about:
- sharing your belongings, including food and beverages
- drinking and use of other drugs
- persons of another gender visiting your room
- noise
- privacy
- neatness and cleanliness of room
You and your roommate can be very different and still have a successful roommate relationship. Maybe you'll become close friends, maybe not. It is important that your expectations are realistic, or you may be disappointed.
DON'T EXPECT YOUR ROOMMATE TO BE JUST LIKE YOU or like your friends at home. Tolerance and openness to new things are necessary components of a successful residential experience. Expect to encounter some problems. After all, it's unrealistic to expect two strangers who share a small space to get along all the time. Talk about your expectations of each other.
We require the completion of a Roommate Success Plan with your roommate at the beginning of the school year and/or when a new resident is assigned to a vacant bed space, to help establish and maintain a cooperative living environment between the two of you. Roommate Success Plan forms can be found in eRezLife (linked in your Housing Portal). Your RA is a great resource for assistance with completing this process.
We also recommend filling out a Success Plan with your suitemates at the beginning of the school year to discuss how you will use any shared spaces. This plan should be reviewed regularly to ensure everyone living in the space is maintaining agreements or to renegotiate expectations of living together.
Suitemate Success Plans can be completed via the Roommate Success Plan form in eRezLife (linked in your Housing Portal). Your RA can assist with completing this process.
Conflict Resolution
Good communication is essential for a successful roommate relationship. Talk about what you expect from this relationship, when you expect to study, sleep, play music or video games, etc. When something your roommate does bothers you, talk about it.
Most people do not intentionally choose to be inconsiderate of others. Things that might irritate you may be acceptable to another person (and vice versa). Differences often are unappreciated. Assert yourself respectfully. Before you approach your roommate, determine what your objective in the situation is. If roles were reversed, how would you want someone to approach you?
We require the completion of a Roommate Success Plan with your roommate at the beginning of the school year, and/or when a new resident is assigned to a vacant bed space, to help establish and maintain a cooperative living environment between the two of you.
- Find an appropriate time to talk with your roommate. A time that works for both of you is more ideal than a time when your roommate is rushing out the door for a class.
- Be sure to find a private location away from other people. If your roommate seems to be with others at all times, send them an email or text message to say that you would like to meet.
- Keep an open mind. Most likely your roommate will have a different view of the situation than you have. Listen as well as talk.
- Talk about whatever it is that bothers you as soon after it occurs as possible.
- Focus on things you and your roommate can change.
- Commit to sharing concerns in person to remove unfortunate interpretations that can occur via text, email, or notes.
Getting Help
Your Resident Assistant (RA) can be a valuable resource for advice in resolving conflicts should they arise. Your RA can be objective about the problem and offer another perspective. They are also trained in conflict mediation and can help facilitate a discussion between you and your roommate if necessary.
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