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Finding Fulfillment in Islam
I was born Muslim, but in a sense, I converted to Islam. Coming from a fairly homogenous city in Wisconsin,
I never had Muslim friends who lived nearby. I practiced Islam mechanically, without seeing the beauty behind
the religion and without feeling a sense of spiritual fulfillment.
When I arrived at Northwestern, I began to interact with other Muslims on campus through the Muslim-cultural
Students Association. I was amazed to see how their prayers went beyond mere ritual motion and reflected a close
affinity with the Divine.
So I explored my religion more actively and began to look to God for fulfillment that I had previously sought from
worldly achievements.
I eventually started feeling the sense of security I was missing before, yet something was incomplete. I began
wanting to cover my hair in public to feel the strength other people told me it instills. In general Muslim women
cover their hair out of modesty; however, each individual has different experiences and motivations. And I felt
that taking this step would help me bridge a gap in my relationship with God.
I also wanted to cover my hair to represent Muslim women — to show the world that Muslims are not all terrorists,
nor are Muslim women all subdued and voiceless. I went through quite a long period of self-examination, wondering
what my friends would think and fearing people would assume I was "oppressed." Finally, a week before
Thanksgiving 1999, I made the best decision thus far in my young life.
Covering my hair has made me much more confident, secure and happy. It does not confine me whatsoever, and I
still enjoy all of the activities I have enjoyed in the past. I ran the Chicago Marathon a few weeks before I
started covering my hair, and I plan to run it again this fall.
People who have known me since my youth know that I am still the same open person I always was — but now there is
a difference. Now I walk with pride and inner peace. Contrary to popular opinion, covering my hair has made me
feel liberated, not oppressed, as my scarf has helped me increase my spirituality. I realize that success can be
achieved not by relying on looks, but by relying, along with hard work, on God.
The Muslims on campus have provided great support through all of these personal changes. While we are an extremely
diverse group of students — all arriving on campus with different backgrounds and experiences — we come together
to form a community that functions as a family. The Muslim-cultural Students Association has given me a network
of people who can empathize with the challenges I face on a daily basis. And because I have such a strong support
network, I am able to make changes in my life that I might not have felt confident enough to make on my own.
However, it is not only my Muslim friends who have spiritually been a support. Over the past four years I feel the
Northwestern community as a whole has provided a platform for religious involvement. Many academic departments
co-sponsored McSA events, faculty members helped organize religious forums, and peers have participated in
interfaith dialogue with Muslim friends. The administration showed its support for Muslims on campus as
well — particularly after the events of Sept. 11. There are many opportunities on campus to learn about
different religions — whether through student-led firesides, visiting lecturers or simply by talking to
friends. Northwestern’s diverse student body creates a unique culture that encourages and facilitates
education and interaction.
Yet Northwestern’s collage of ethnicities, religions and social groups also leaves its students confronting a
set of challenges. We are fortunate to be in an environment where spiritual growth is encouraged and where
educational opportunities abound; however, our challenge does not lie in being a diverse campus. Rather, it
lies in becoming a campus that not only encourages interfaith understanding but also lives it.
In the past I have been involved in panel discussions or lectures about women in Islam, and on occasion someone
will tell me, despite everything I believe and despite the beliefs of anyone who has ever known me, that I am
oppressed because I cover my hair. It is at times like these — after I have already explained that wearing my scarf
helps to make me a happier, more contributing member of society — when I feel we are sometimes trapped in a box.
Some people find it difficult to step outside their own frame of reference.
Ultimately, however, I am extremely fortunate to have selected a school where such religious diversity exists.
I attribute all of my spiritual growth to my time at Northwestern — something that is worth even more than the
degree I have earned. When I graduate in June, I will walk away not only with a diploma but also a sense of
confidence and fulfillment that I did not have when I arrived.
Leila Shahbandar of Appleton, Wis., is a senior in the School of Speech, majoring in communication studies and
history. After graduation she plans to take a year off to travel before heading to law or graduate school.
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