Spring 2018

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The All-or-Nothing Marriage

Lovehacks and More

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In his new book, The All-or-Nothing Marriage, Eli Finkel gives specific strategies to make marriages better. Here are some examples.


Quick tweaks that can be done without even involving a spouse.

View your partner’s behavior from a generous perspective: If your spouse does something that bothers you, instead of concluding that it was because of a character flaw, attribute it to a temporary, external cause. For example, s/he was late not because s/he is a jerk but because there was traffic.

Cultivate gratitude: Set aside even a few minutes a week to deliberately think about the ways a spouse has invested in the marriage.

Celebrate together: Respond enthusiastically — asking questions and being engaged — when a spouse tells an achievement.


More serious investments of time and effort.

Make time: Set aside significant periods of time with each other.

Go beyond date night: Plan exciting activities. Make a list with your spouse of things you don’t usually do that you are both willing to try and schedule them regularly.